We had a great meeting with our clients a few weeks ago at the wrap up of our first 90 Day Breakthrough programme.
We talked about their successes, and what got in the way of them achieving their goals if they didn’t hit them all, and there were lots of laughs along the way, especially when Kev told everyone about how he’d had a goal to start windsurfing again, and he’d managed to smash his brand new board up before he’d even got on it for the first time by driving it into our carport.
(He thought he’d get more sympathy from the group than he got from me, but they pissed themselves, too!)
We did a bit of coaching work with various people as they talked about their challenges, and one thing that came up for one of the group members was how they worried about money.
They said, “I’m just a worrier”.
It’s a common label I hear people give themselves, and I thought it was worth talking about today because it can really get in the way of your enjoyment of life.
I understand how many people see worrying as a useful thing.
If we weren’t alert for danger then we probably wouldn’t live very long, but it’s useful to notice when your fears are helpful or just a hindrance.
You see, your brain is a wonderful piece of kit, and it likes everything to feel consistent.
For instance, if I went around saying “I’m a grumpy cow” enough times, then my brain would find it very hard to greet the world with a smile on my face.
It just wouldn't make sense.
I’d feel as if I was being inconsistent with my message to the world.
That’s how phrases like, “I’m a worrier” can become a dangerous part of your self-talk.
You weren’t born a worrier.
At some point, someone put that thought in your head, and you owned it.
Ever since, you’ve noticed when you worry, and you tell other people “I’m a worrier”, and the vicious cycle compounds things further.
The thing is, you don’t worry all the time about everything. At certain times of the day, you aren’t worried about anything at all!
The first step to take is to stop saying “I’m a worrier”.
Instead say, “I sometimes worry”.
Treat it as a behaviour not as your whole personality. Then, ask yourself if any good has any come of worrying.
You’ll probably find that no amount of worrying ever stopped bad things from happening, and in fact the mental blinkers worry gives you has probably stopped you from finding solutions to problems because stress impacts your strategic thinking.
When you realise that your thoughts aren’t you, and you can detach yourself from them, you can feel more comfortable about the unknown.
If you’re going to call yourself anything, call yourself a great problem solver.
You really want your brain to get on side with you on that self talk!
We have a whole video on Self Talk in our 90 Day Breakthrough Programme.