Have you reached threshold?
I was talking to a client yesterday who was feeling very emotional at the start of our new 90 day programme.
We’re currently taking a group of clients through a process we’ve taken many private clients through in the past, getting them to think about what they want in the future and making a roadmap to get them through the first steps towards that future.
This exercise also relies on another vital factor - the ability to identify where you are now, because as with any other map, if you don’t know your starting point then you can’t plan your journey.
It’s something I learned years ago as part of my coaching training, and I know from experience it’s not always the easiest thing to do.
It forces you to write down the things you aren’t happy with in your life.
I clearly remember the feeling of writing about my relationship with my husband (now ex-husband) when I went through a similar process 15 years ago.
I knew we weren’t happy - we’d already separated once already by then and we were leading practically separate lives, sleeping in separate rooms and regularly disagreeing about the business we ran together.
Weird thing was, we still loved each other in many ways and I think we’d have stayed together “for the children” like guilt says you should, but we could both sense that we’d feel relieved if one of us finished the relationship, because that would mean walking away without guilt.
This went on for years, and the doubt about our relationship along with business stress, was playing havoc with my mental health.
The thing that forced me to make the decision to leave after assessing my own thoughts was the recognition that our values were so far apart that we could never be happy together even if we tried.
I realised through my coaching training that wanting him to change and pushing against everything that was important to him to “do things for me if he loved me” wasn’t the right way to go.
It was a very hard lesson to learn.
It’s one thing thinking things like that in your head, but when you write them down everything changes.
It’s like a part of you reaches up from the page and slaps you around the face.
It can force you to a point where staying where you are feels more painful than changing, and that’s what we refer to in the trade as “Threshold”.
This particular client yesterday came to the realisation that an element of her career was making her very unhappy and she wants to bin off a whole section of her workload to focus on the work she really loves to do.
This is scary because it means voluntarily waving goodbye to a large chunk of income in order to make money doing things she truly enjoys.
It even came with further fears like “What if I do so much of the work I love that I start hating it?”
I couldn’t promise her that wouldn’t happen, but I could guarantee that if she doesn’t change anything then she’d never know, and she’d never have a chance to live the life she believes could make her happy.
Of course, it’s not just a case of telling her she should bin everything off immediately (although for some people the experience of threshold can feel so overwhelming that they do!).
I’ll guide her through a planning process to take her as safely as possible to where she wants to be, making the right changes at the right time.
At the event we held at the beginning of January, we heard a few stories of people radically changing their lives.
Was it scary and emotional for them at times?
F***, yeah!
We’re they glad they did it?
Wholeheartedly.
Confronting your deepest thoughts and making change isn’t always easy, but there is no other way to lead a truly fulfilled life.
Good job there are coaches in the world to help you through the change, right?