Yesterday, I received a lovely gift from some friends. It was a sweet bracelet in a pretty little box with a card that made me quite emotional.
Just before Christmas I missed a call from one of them saying, “Can you please call me back as soon as you get a minute.”
When I returned their call, they told me they were on the verge of getting a divorce and asked if I could please come to talk to them.
I said of course I would. I was with a client all day but I said I’d be with them at about 6pm, if they could hold tight until then.
I remember feeling quite weird that day before I saw them.
My friends are a couple of great people and it made me feel sad that they were having such a difficult time, but I decided that no matter what, I would stay impartial and I wouldn’t make it my goal to keep them together if they’d be happier apart, but instead to set my outcome to discover what each of them needed in order to be happy.
My theory is if two people are happy individually, then their relationship has more chance of working.
My evening with them wasn’t as fraught as I thought it was going to be. I had visions of lots of anger, snot and tears, and standing between them as a referee, when in fact what we had was simply a calm, guided discussion.
When I was about to leave they said, “We want to pay you for your time,” but I wasn’t going to take money off my friends, so I jokingly said, “You can’t afford me!”, which was funny because we all knew they most certainly could.
Whatever happened that evening seemed to have fixed things, and they have reported having no further problems since that day.
Their card - which contained messages from both of them - said lovely things like:
“Thank you for being a good friend and mediator…You dropped everything for us and we are so thankful…We may not be able to afford you but we can appreciate you!”
I was very touched, and maybe I did help them in some way that day but I think 80% of the work was done when they agreed they had a problem that could possibly be solved if they asked someone else for help.
I mean, they could have asked a womb-blessing therapist (I won’t knock it till I’ve tried it) to help and it might have worked, but I must say the 20% I supplied was indeed some shit-hot coaching!
I think coming to an agreement between themselves that despite it feeling like hell, their marriage still had hope if they got help, was the single biggest factor in helping them put things back on an even keel.
If you ever find yourself in a situation that feels hopeless, the process of asking for help indicates you’re taking your first step out of pain, because you’re admitting you're too close to your own problems to solve them.
And that takes guts and pride-swallowing if you’re fiercely independent!
If you’d like to get a taste of the shit-hot coaching but you genuinely can’t afford my reassuringly expensive one-to-one service, then put yourself on the waiting list for our next 90 day programme that starts in April.