I know I’m not stupid but occasionally I look like a complete air head.
It’s been very embarrassing in the past, but now I’m understanding my brain more and embracing it as part of the ADHD symptoms I live with every day.
Case in point was an episode of the crazies that happened just after I went on a December morning dip in the North Sea a couple of weeks ago.
I’ve since realised that when I get overexcited my ADHD symptoms become heightened.
Directly after the chilly swim, I had to go back to my hotel room, shower, change and get myself to my coach, Paul’s, HQ for 10:00 which was about a 5 minute drive or 20 minute walk from the hotel.
One of the symptoms of ADHD is lack of awareness of time.
People with ADHD are often late for things or get appointments wrong.
I’ve gotten much better at tracking time over the years - I use calendars religiously and I usually set myself timers to keep myself on track.
On that day, I got so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t leave the hotel until 09:55, which didn’t leave me much room for error in finding the car park and making the short walk from the car park to HQ.
I put the postcode for HQ in my satnav, having previously spotted on a map that there was a car park nearby.
I was feeling quite stressed at this point - I hate being late for things - and I could feel my brain starting to cloud over.
When I got to the car park, I realised I didn’t have cash for the car park machine and I wanted to pay by app but I had to download it first.
My glasses were in my bag but I thought it would be faster to hold my phone out as far as I could stretch, and do it all by luck rather than judgement.
Bad plan.
The app kept kicking me out at the final hurdle, so I told myself to calm down, stop being a dick, and just get my glasses out even though it was already 10:01.
I fumbled in my bag for my glasses.
Hands trembling, I dropped them.
I finally put them on.
Paid my parking - PHEW!
Then I panicked when I realised I couldn’t actually see HQ, so I put the postcode into my phone and gasped when I saw it said HQ was an 8 minute walk away!
Shit! I must be in completely the wrong car park!
So I followed the directions, Whatsapping the group as I marched apologising for being late.
I ran, and got to where Google Maps said I should be by 10:06, but I still couldn’t see HQ. I was basically in a housing estate!
At this point, I got a call from Paul’s assistant Cath saying, “Where are you, lovely?”
It was so good to hear a friendly voice on the other end of the phone.
“God knows! I’m lost!”
“What can you see?”
“I can see a block of flats and a pub!”
“Oh dear, you’re quite a long way off - I’ll send someone to come and get you”
Very kindly, I was picked up, feeling very stupid, but the nice guy told me someone usually gets lost on every group they run because the postcode is shared by a building with a similar address.
I almost felt as if my crazy head wasn’t entirely to blame at that point, but it wasn’t going to let me off that easily.
When I got to the room, everyone was sitting down and Paul had started presenting.
I sat quietly and tried to listen to him, but I was buzzing and I knew not everything was going in my brain as it should.
I was in the middle of a secret breathing exercise to calm myself down, when Paul’s wife announced to the room, “I’ve found these keys on the stairs! Who’s dropped their keys?”
Of course, they were my keys! Holy mother of God, could today get any more embarrassing?
Yes it could.
As I aimed to settle myself, I heard Paul say something about “icebreaker”, and “name” and “how you earn your living”.
Another symptom of ADHD is that you can find it difficult to take in instructions.
Under normal circumstances, when I’m at events like this, I’ll jot down notes as someone speaks to make sure I’m following things, but on this occasion I didn’t have my notepad and pen ready, and rather than scrabble around in my bag I thought I’d just calmly sit an listen.
Unfortunately, despite my body looking calm, my brain was doing the Hokey Cokey in my head and wasn’t listening well at all.
Suddenly, Paul pointed at me and said, “Vicki - let’s start with you!”
I stared at him blanky.
“Introduce yourself - off you go”
My brain suddenly stopped doing it’s Hokey Cokey and asked me if I had any recollection of whether I should talk to the whole group, or if we were just telling the people next to me, as has happened in other events I’ve been to.
It didn’t process the obvious information that Paul wouldn’t have asked to start with me if everyone was supposed to introduce themselves to their neighbours.
I should have just asked Paul to repeat what he wanted me to do, but all that came out of my mouth was, “Do you want me to say it out loud?”
WHY WOULD I SAY THAT?
Of course, Paul took the piss immediately and everyone laughed, and luckily I found it funny, too, because I’m more comfortable in my skin than I used to be, but in years gone by I would have been mortified.
I’m putting this story out there because I know I’ve got a couple of people on my email list who haven’t been diagnosed yet, but suspect they’re affected by ADHD.
I just want to say it’s OK! If we can learn to laugh about an attack of the crazies rather than beat ourselves up for it, then life gets easier.
As I learn more about the condition, I learn what I need to do differently.
If I was to go through Friday again, I’d probably make sure I calmed myself right down immediately after the sea dip with a meditation or breathing practice, and making sure I set an alarm for the time I needed to be out of the hotel so I didn’t go off into a daydream (I stood at my window and stared out at the sea thinking about how great I felt about my achievement!)
If you’re not affected yourself, it’s highly likely you have someone who’s wired up differently within your family, friends, or work colleagues.
I’m not saying you should diagnose them or blurt out that you think they’re different, because some people really don’t like the thought of being labelled that way, but rather give people more slack if you think they’re not acting the way you’d expect them to.
They might just be different, or just having a difficult day, and they might be very embarrassed, so be kind!