For my last birthday, I was given a lovely little hamper by one of my friends with lots of small treats in it: a little scent candle, some fluffy socks, a chocolate bar, a stretchy bracelet with a heart on it, and a cotton shopping bag with “The Self Love Club” written on it.
Kev took one look at the bag and sniggered.
I looked at him wondering what he found so funny.
“Well. That could mean something rude!” he said
“Brilliant. You’ve completely ruined it for me now. Thanks very much!”
Now, every time I look at the bag, I have a little chuckle.
I know it’s meant to mean something so wholesome and beautiful, but all I can think of is a word rhyming with anchor.
Sometimes, when someone’s being an arse I even think to myself, “They’re definitely a member of the Self Love Club!”
The meaning we give words is so powerful, and self love can mean different things to different people.
“She really loves herself” is more often said in a scathing way rather than a compliment.
Do you love yourself?
Not in an arrogant way, (or a rude way - but that’s OK, too), but in a healthy way?
Over the years, I’ve redefined my concept of self love.
I used to think if I achieved certain things, or weighed a certain amount, or received a certain reaction from people around me then I would consider myself more lovable.
As I’ve grown older, I’ve realised self love is more about forgiveness: forgiving myself for getting things wrong or not living up to my own expectations:
- Protecting my ego with justifications
- Saying the wrong thing, or the right thing at the wrong time
- Missing flights
- Procrastinating over my hypnotherapy diploma coursework
- Not having the energy to visit my dad when I know he doesn’t have much time left on the planet.
- Being crap at every single kind of shopping
- Tip toeing past the ironing pile hoping it’ll iron itself
- Falling off a healthy eating plan
- Stuffing things in a cupboard I swore to keep tidy
- Losing my shit over minor matters
- Forgetting to contact friends regularly
- Feeling sorry for myself when I’m a coach and I “should know better”.
Sometimes, I feel like a fully paid-up, lifetime member of the “Self-Love Club” and not in a good way.
So today, I invite you to look deep into darkest, dankest, stinkiest corners of your mind, and ask yourself if there’s anything you need to love yourself more for: all the times you’ve cocked up, been too proud, taken the easy route rather than the brave one, lost your rag, failed yourself, let someone down, or didn’t do what you promised to do.
There - right there - is where true (non-wanky) self love is found.
It’s easy to love yourself when you do amazing things. It’s far harder to be OK with who you are when you cock up.