Recently, a client told me they were obsessed with me.
Not just me, but Kevin, too.
Why didn’t this horrify me?
Because I understand how it feels to be obsessed with people and things, but without it being sinister or creepy.
As is often the case with our clients, this person thinks they might have ADHD, and obsession to one degree or another is often a marker of the condition.
Their remark prompted me to Google ADHD and obsession, and it brought up something that, on first glance, made me feel a bit sad for anyone who doesn't realise how the condition can affect them.
Online, there are several articles about “Love Bombing” and most of them are alarming.
If you’ve watched the Netflix phenomenon, Baby Reindeer, then you’ll see how Martha “love bombs” Donny relentlessly throughout her stalking campaign - sending incessant messages, telling him how much she thinks about him, and getting upset when he doesn’t respond immediately.
Now, of course, not all ADHDers are mentally ill and potential stalkers. There are some people who use love bombing to negatively manipulate others (the term was coined in the 70’s to describe the recruitment activities of a religious cult). However, the obsessiveness that can come alongside ADHD and autism could lead others to feel as if there is something sinister behind the attention they’re getting, and it’s another way neurodivergent people could be made to feel as if there is something very wrong with them.
Love bombing-type behaviour isn’t always about romantic or sexual attraction. It can happen in the workplace, too. A friend of mine with extreme ADHD has been accused of having “flavour of the month” employees - they get obsessed about one person at a time, extolling their virtues and putting huge emphasis on their value within their company. It can be demoralising to other members of the team who might once have been “flavour of the month” and are now overlooked, even though they continue to do a great job.
My friend would be horrified if they thought they were upsetting others because they have a big heart and feel genuinely grateful for their colleagues, but they have little control over their “love-bombing” tendencies which are simply related to a tendency to latch onto certain things or people at certain times, which can be followed by a tendency to disengage after a while, too.
Personally, I think it’s easier to educate those who live and work with obsessive people to identify the behaviour and understand it, than it is to insist they stop obsessing. Other people don’t upset us without our permission, and when we understand the reasons behind people’s behaviour, it’s easier to be objective and compassionate rather than assuming they’re doing things to hurt us.
I’m not saying the person who does the obsessing should have licence to do as they please to the detriment of others, but they might need to be gently reminded about how their behaviour affects others while it’s happening so they have a chance to correct themselves, rather than insist they act like a “normal person”, and chastise them when they don’t.
I love-bomb all kinds of things from music to food to Googling esoteric subjects (such as love bombing!).
My obsession with all things to do with coaching and psychology appears to be standing the test of time, and is what some might call my ADHD “superpower”, although I don’t feel anything like a superhero - just very lucky to have a job I’m good at and I love.
(It might be important to point out that I obsess about my work and not my clients - which would be both weird and exhausting for everyone concerned!)
Sent from my iphoone
(If you know, you know…)